Words that Heal, Words that Steal

“Sticks and stones may break my bones,

But words will never hurt me.”

In my opinion, this long-standing nursery rhyme is simply not true. Words can do more than hurt people, they quite often can kill.

I just read a tragic article online about a teenager who committed suicide because of classmates sending tweets about this young girl who was deeply affected by the others words.

Words can steal hope, confidence and life at times.

Or

Words can heal by giving hope, confidence and life.

Let me clarify, it is the intent + the words that can steal or kill.

If we know that someone is for us then we are apt to listen to tough words because we know the challenge is meant for our highest possible good.

Conversely, if someone that we know is not for us, but is for themselves or possibly against us, then their words become like daggers to our soul.

Most of the time we know the difference by the vibe we get from a person and the history of that person towards us.

Our responsibility is to give words that heal, help, and serve. In order to be leaders worth following we must understand how our words sound or land on the person we are conversing with.

If you have a tendency with sarcasm, use discretion.

If you use a brief, sharp tone, try to give more support.

If you tend to yell, please rethink your strategy.

Equally important is the way you receive words.

If someone is for you and brings challenge to you, consider their words as possibly helping you by bringing wisdom or discernment.

If someone is not for you, consider the art of ignoring the comments as if they are baseless.

You and I have the power to bring words that heal or steal. We also have the power to receive good words and deflect evil words against us. That is up to you and me.

Let’s bring the right words knowing that words linger in the memory of those in our path.

 

 

 

How To Help You Do “What You Want”

In the previous post, “What Do You Want? (www.jeremiekubicek.com/whatdoyouwant) I asked you to go through a process to get to an answer that was actually true and potentially life-changing.

Today, I want to share with you how I went about understanding what I want and how to get to that reality everyday. The process was really interesting and the results are really profound and simple.

My goal here is to get you to actually do this, to answer the question and to know what you need to do everyday to realize it.

The question is, “What do I want?”

I wrote down a lot of things. Here is a partial list of my answers:

  • I want to be even more intentional with the last 5 years of my kids school journal before we are empty nesters.
  • I want to see our company, GiANT Worldwide, reach the level of growth globally that we think can happen over the next few years.
  • I want to finish the 5 book projects that I have in me in the next 7 years.

There were about 5 more. Some, really personal.

As I looked at my list I began drawing lines through some of them as they were things that I felt I should want, rather than what I really wanted. However, one of them really popped. It was one of the top three things I really wanted, but the one that most helped me with my business life. Here it is:

I want to help leaders come fully alive. I want to encourage and impact and inspire leaders to think higher and to live more intentionally.

That was such a helpful exercise because it is helping me realign all of the projects I am involved in a more succinct and focused way. I then went on to ask myself why I wanted that and wrote that answer down.

However, here is how I can help you do what you want. By taking the thing I want to happen and directing it I began to realize what I needed to do everyday. Watch this flow and see if you can mimic it so you can do what you want to do.

If I want to help leaders come fully alive by impacting and inspiring them to think higher and to live more intentionally then:

1. I need to be personally alive and full of passion on a daily basis. I can’t give what I don’t possess.

2. To be fully alive and full of passion, I need to be activated at the source. For me, that source is to be full of God’s spirit and love so that I can give that to other people. In essence, I am a distributor of life and wisdom to others.

3. To be activated at the source, I need to wake up in the right mindset and remind myself of who I am, who God is and what he has created me to be. That means that I need time to connect with him in such a way that I am at peace with who I am. When I am full of peace I can give so much easier. When I am not, then I am managing my personal drama and thus, not giving effectively to others.

4. If I am going to wake up in the right mindset then I need to trade up in what I watch by avoiding junk food TV and instead read biographies and other books that I know bring me life. This means that I need to go to bed a bit earlier, trade up to inspirational books and get a good night of sleep.

Do you see this logical process?

By the way, I am going out on a limb here to share my process and flow to get to what I want, to help leaders come fully alive by impacting and inspiring them to think higher and to live more intentionally. 

To help you do what you want then I encourage you to work backwards. Start with the end in mind and then work back logically so that you get to the level of looking at what must happen every morning to realize what you want to realize.

What do you want? Really?

How are you going to get there?

What Do You Want?

The Question That Shapes Everything

So, what do you really want?

That is the question, isn’t it? It is the question that tests your motives and your intent. For some, you can answer with an ease and clarity as if you have rehearsed the line for years. On the other end of the spectrum, some of you have no earthly idea because you have spent so much time doing what you had to do to pay the bills or please someone else.

What do you want is a power question. It shapes everything. There is an opportunity to actually coordinate your life around the answer if you have the fortitude to do so.

After decades of mentoring leaders and speaking with people who think about these questions, here are a few answers that I normally hear:

  • “I want to have enough funds to be able to make a difference and live a good life with my family.” I hear this one the most.
  • “I want to be able to retire with respect and have the means to be able to travel with my family and see the world.”
  • “I want to have the freedom to create the things that are on my heart. I don’t want to have to work for money, but rather be able to build things that have meaning.”
  • “I would like to be able to be able to be a full time minister to help people in different places without getting bogged down in administration.”

Freedom and funds to be able to do what is really on their heart. It is as if they are doing things now that they have to do to get to the point of being able to do the things that they really want to do. 

“Have to do.” Have you ever heard a kid say, “do I have to?” The dread of doing things we don’t want to do in order to get finished with them so we can do the things we want to do. For example, chores, sweeping floors, mowing the lawn, doing taxes, administration. All of these are “have to’s” in order to do the things we want to do.

The issue is that along the way a lot of us have gotten swept away in the “have to’s” and forgotten what we want to do. The dream and the vision have become like a mirage, a fuzzy view of the future that comes and goes like a distance haze.

To answer my question you need to carve out the time. Finding what you want is not a flippant question. If you truly answer it, then it actually could change the rest of the life that you have on this earth.

My answer to “what do I want?” led me to fire myself, sell all our possessions and move across the pond to live and start the next GiANT business in Europe. The ramifications of executing my answer has created ramifications in my kids and in my life as well as the employees that now work for the company started from my answer.

When you answer rightly the question, “what do you want?” you affect the trajectory of dozens and maybe hundreds of people.

So, let’s do this.

1. Carve out the time. Block it. Two hours minimum.

2. Bring some paper and get away from distractions.

3. Make an inspirational music playlist as background music.

4. Ask God to help you answer.

5. Now, write the question down:

“WHAT DO I WANT?”

6. List your bullet points as they come to mind. Try to be as specific and concrete as possible.

7. Then, analyze them and decide if they are legit. Scratch through the things that you FEEL like you should want and keep what you really want on paper.

8. Show someone that is for you. Let them ask you the hard questions.

9. Now, refine your answers and try to write it in a sentence, such as:

“I want to lead my family well through this rough period.”

“I want to get my business to $X by Y so that we can sell the business in order to…”

“I want to finish the last three years here so that we can move to be closer to the kids and pour into them.”

10. Analyze what you have written and ask God what He wants for you.

The good news is, you have done it. You have answered a potent question. The tough news is that this is just the beginning. How do you get to what you want? That is the million dollar question. There is more help to come.

If you know of anyone that needs this, have them sign up for the blog on the site, JeremieKubicek.com.

For you, always!

The Undermining Issue

3 Issues That Undermine Me and Might Possibly Affect You Too

Undermining is like sabotage. It occurs when we take ourselves out of the game or the work or the relationship.

There are three things that keep me from being the best I can be. They are like a thorn in my side that sometimes undermine my influence and limit my respect. Might these three be issues for you as well?

These issues plague me at times by swarming me like gnats and taking me off my game. I really despise all three of these and want them completely gone from my life. If that is true of you as well then maybe we can knock them out together.

Here is the first one:

  1. At times I don’t believe I have what it takes to do what I do or what needs to be done.

This plague will come around me at the strangest times and play with my mind to cause self-pity or insecurity. Most of the people that know me never see this as I tend to be very confident, until there is some past memory of insecurity that shakes my security just a bit.

I am getting to do the things that I have longed to do in speaking, writing and leading an team of people and yet at times my mind can sabotage me to think, “whom am I?”. Can anyone relate?

The second one is equally annoying:

  1. My emotions can get stuck occasionally, which cause me to become irrational and passive aggressive.

 This happened recently when something that I expected to happen didn’t happen and caused me to feel a bit dishonored. Usually this all stays internal, last week I shared with a couple of people, which came out in blubbering nonsense. I absolutely hate this irrational oversensitivity. The good news is that I know this about myself and am working to lead it. However, it is my ceiling if I want to lead at the highest levels. Does this happen to you?

The last one is just infuriating:

  1. When things are going really well I take my foot of the gas and get a bit lazy. While I am normally really intentional I can become lethargic on a few occasions during the year.

A lot has been going well over the past few years. GiANT is growing globally; we have a great team; my family is healthy and yet at times I can take all that for granted and just veg and chill in a bit of laziness. That bugs me. Does this affect you as well?

These three simple areas keep me from being the best me. Might these three plague you as well? Or, are there other areas that might be equally imposing or frustrating? Feel free to share.

My plan is to be more intentional by doing the following:

  1. Acting Like I belong instead of believing I don’t.
  2. Watch my emotions and become self-controlled rather than being led by my frustrations.
  3. When times are good I plan to become more intentional, not less; watching out that my tendency is to relax lethargically, rather than a more helpful recharge.

What about you? What is your plan?

Let’s do this. Let’s get more intentional in working on the actions or patterns that tend to create negative consequences so that we can change our reality for the better. Let’s become leaders worth following.

Live, Right Now

How alive are you today? Right now?

You received this email in the midst of your tasks and decided to read it either because you like me or because you needed a break.

So let’s make the most of this moment by increasing the % of life in you, right now.

If you are frustrated because of a project or a relational dynamic in your office or life, give some grace and mercy to that person.

If you have a difficult family issue, give up your worry and fear for this moment and instead pray and trust.

If you are just down, but don’t know why, go and take a walk and think about all of the good things that are going on in your life, right now.

Gratefulness. Hope. Love. Joy. Life. These are the right words to live into, right now.

Over the past two days I have been a bit lethargic and overwhelmed. That is when I chose to renew my mindset – literally to shift my thinking. Your thinking affects your actions. Where your mind is your actions will follow and thus the consequences set a new reality.

Change your mind for the good and the outflow will be a positive reality.

Do what needs to be done, right now. Live.

Apologize. Give grace. Go on a walk. Ask God for help. Take a deep breath and count to five. Whatever it takes to shift your mindset, do it so that everyone around you can enjoy the life inside of you. Turn up the music. Give things away. Live so that others benefit from your life.

 

Why Your Leadership Journey Matters

What makes you and me what we are today? What was it in our makeup and wiring as well as in our experiences and mentorship that has gotten us to this point?

Thinking of this question a bit differently, what is it that has caused you to stop being you? Was it a comment made or the disapproval of someone significant in your life that has caused you to settle into someone you never thought you would be?

On the positive side, did a coach or a parent help to shape you by giving you a practical roadmap to become the leader that you wanted to become.

The leader’s journey is an important process to observe. If you want to know which way a leader will go or the decisions they will make you only need to look backwards and see who they were groomed under and the decisions they have made in the past. Our present leadership is the culmination of past experiences and apprenticeship mixed with our personality and nature.

Lance Humphrey’s, CEO of Anthology Destinations, is one of the best leaders I have ever met and it is no wonder. Lance is who he is because his father poured into him well in his nurturing years and because his wiring is suited to lead well. Even more, Lance has chosen to learn as much as possible from men much older than himself. This desire for growth has affected him. He is who his mentors were and are on his path for being a leader worth following. Because he has become secure in that he can now give himself away to dozens of young leaders needing inspiration, wisdom and clarity.

Leaders define the culture. And leaders become whom they were cultured by and the experiences that occurred. Bad leaders tend to have had little positive influence in their lives and simply commit the same sins to others that they experienced for themselves.

That is why your journey matters so much. As you go so do so many around you.

  • Do what it takes to know yourself well.
  • Review your past and the positive and negative influences on you.
  • Ask yourself this question, “How have I passed on the negative influences of my life onto the lives of others.” Ask the opposite from a positive perspective as well.
  • Respond to any that you have negatively affected with proper remorse. Set it right.

As you go, so do others.

We are who we are. While we can’t change our yesterday’s, we can absolutely affect tomorrow, and quite possibly today.

When reviewing your leadership journey, realize that it affects more than you. Hundreds of people are affected by you becoming secure, confident and humble. Make level paths for your feet and for those that are coming behind you.