Are you an insecure leader, spouse, father/mother or person?
The very question conjures up weakness, doesn’t it? Read the very definition of insecurity and then reevaluate your answer.
[in-si-kyoor] Show IPA
1. subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured: an insecure person.
2. not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious: He was insecure about the examination.
3. not secure; exposed or liable to risk, loss, or danger: an insecure stock portfolio.
4. not firmly or reliably placed or fastened: an insecure ladder.
I know I struggle with this at times in certain areas and in different ways. There are moments when I am uncertain, afraid, and lacking confidence. The simple definition alone should act like a test to clarify if you are or not.
However, I have written the following test to make the point even more clear:
- Are you paranoid about others in your organization and what you believe they might be saying about you or implying about you to others?
- Do you often put others down in order to lift yourself up?
- Do you hate it when others get credit and you get little notice within your department or company?
- Are there times when you don’t make a decision until someone else has because you don’t want to look as though you don’t know what you are doing?
- Have you cut the legs off of someone you are apprenticing because you don’t want them to be seen as more valuable than you?
I can tell you hundreds of stories of insecurity showing up in petty ways. The leader who has trained up the #2 to only spit him out rather than release them to be the person they were meant to be. The leader that infers slander towards a co-worker out of jealousy. The mom who closes off from others because they are afraid of what people are thinking.
Are you insecure, I asked? Absolutely you are! I am the same way.
Do you see that it is this insecurity that causes us to dream up petty and preposterous schemes to protect and promote ourselves? Can you see that our fears dictate us to overpower people in order to charade our weakness?
It is insecurity that causes the drama we all hate. Our insecurities turn us into bad soap opera stars within our predictable scripts of jealousy, embarrassment and fear. WE are insecure as people. Oh to be free from care and anxiety.
If you agree with me that you are insecure in one, two or more areas of your life and want that to change then let me share a simple process to begin to deal with it…
- Expose it! When insecurity is brought out into the light it has less power over us. It works, I promise. Just name what you are insecure about and tell a trusted ally. When you say it, you’re accountable to deal with it and it begins to look like a smaller issue. Do you need help in your skills at work? Admit it and get help. Do you have a fear about your finances? Confront it and share with others who can serve you.
I have done this over 20 times in my business career – some times writing it in my blogs. Fear goes away when exposed. Once that occurs you can begin the process of security. Deal with your insecurity before it deals with you.